MARRYING YOUNG WITH LITTLE EXPERIENCE AND MARRYING LATER WITH MUCH EXPERIENCE
Usually, when you’re young and in love, your feelings speak loudly. But as you grow and mature through experience, your reasoning also begins to speak. Making decisions about love becomes more complex as you accumulate life experience. In many ways, getting married at a younger age feels easier than doing so later in life, when you know too much.
Feelings are like the oil that lubricates the wheels of love, allowing it to move smoothly without friction or struggle. They act as the spark and the springboard that launch you into love. Without feelings, love struggles to take off. When your feelings are intense, they can cloud your reasoning. That’s why people say love is blind. On the other hand, when your reasoning and knowledge become too dominant, they can suppress your feelings, making you see faults.
When Adam and Eve ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, their eyes were opened, and they began to see faults. Adam told God, “I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.” He blamed Eve, saying, “The woman you put here with me gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Eve, in turn, blamed the serpent: “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” Their new knowledge brought blame and fault-finding. That is why people say that for love to thrive, someone must sometimes “play the fool”—choosing to overlook flaws.
What is it like to marry young with little experience and marry later with much experience
Marrying a priori
I believe it is easier to marry when you’re young and have little experience. At that stage, you don’t know enough to second-guess your feelings or to overanalyse your partner’s flaws. Your emotions are strong, and those intense feelings make things smoother and more flexible. Decisions to marry often come more naturally and quickly.
However, after entering the marriage, your eyes begin to open, and reality sets in. You may encounter many surprises—challenges you didn’t anticipate. That’s when the real learning begins. You have to adjust, seek advice, and grow in your understanding of what marriage truly involves. In this case, you entered marriage with mostly a priori knowledge.
‘A priori’ is a Latin term used in philosophy to refer to knowledge that comes before experience or is independent of experience, based on theory, assumption, or intuition rather than facts learnt through living.
Marrying a posteriori
On the other hand, marrying later in life, after accumulating various relationship experiences, can be more difficult. These experiences may make you overly cautious, analytical, sceptical, and selective. Your eyes are now wide open; you’ve seen a lot, and you’re quick to detect red flags or imperfections in others. This knowledge tends to challenge or suppress your feelings, preventing love from flowing freely.
That’s why, sometimes, to enjoy love, you must choose to “act the fool” and learn to overlook certain things. Also, when you’ve been alone for a long time, you become accustomed to your independence. You adapt to a solo lifestyle and personalise your space so much that the thought of sharing it with someone else may feel invasive or inconvenient.
However, mature individuals who marry later should, in theory, be better equipped to handle the challenges of marriage. Their experience allows them to recognise habits and attitudes early before committing. There should be fewer surprises. Therefore, one would expect them to manage issues more calmly, responsibly, and constructively, without excessive complaints. In this scenario, they bring into the marriage a wealth of a posteriori knowledge.
‘A posteriori’ is a Latin term that refers to knowledge gained from experience; things you learn after living through them.
Both paths, marrying young with little experience or marrying later with much experience come with their advantages and challenges. What matters most is how couples adapt, grow, and love through the journey.
