Reasons Why David Was Treated Like a Foreigner in His Family
When we study the life of David, especially his early years, one profound question arises: Why was David treated like a foreigner in his own family? A deeper look into his relationships with his father, Jesse and his brothers reveals a picture of emotional neglect and rejection. David himself highlights this painful truth in Psalm 69:8: “I am a foreigner to my own family, a stranger to my own mother’s children.”
This verse has sparked much interest among Bible scholars and believers alike. Numerous theories try to explain the root of this familial rejection. Some claim David was born from an immoral affair, possibly to a prostitute, and reference Psalm 51:5: “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” However, this interpretation runs into a problem when we consider Psalm 86:16, where David says: “Save me, because I serve you just as my mother did.” Clearly, David viewed his mother as a godly woman, which contradicts the idea that she was immoral or a prostitute. Others suggest David had a different mother than his brothers, yet Psalm 69:8 clarifies that he was a stranger to his own mother’s children, implying they all shared the same mother.
Rather than leaning on uncertain theories, I believe the answer to why David was treated like a foreigner in his own family lies in a combination of spiritual insight and observational wisdom and personal experience.
Two Key Reasons Why David Was Treated So
1. It Was God’s Doing
Sometimes, God’s path for your life leads through seasons of rejection, isolation, and misunderstanding. This is known as the wilderness season. During this time, God is not punishing you. He is preparing you.
David was in his wilderness period, divinely appointed to be refined for kingship. As a child of God, you may face rejection and unfair treatment even when you’re doing everything right. But understand: God allowed it for a purpose.
In the wilderness, people will forget your sacrifices, misinterpret your intentions, and even hate you without cause. David probably fought bitterness by turning to worship. When he was alone with the sheep in the forest, he learned to play the harp, wrote psalms, and nurtured his relationship with God. That intimacy sustained him and developed the heart that would one day lead Israel.
2. It Was Jesse’s Parenting Philosophy
In many families, the last-born is cherished and protected. But not all parents follow this model. Some believe in a strict hierarchy, where the older children must come first in all things. Younger ones are expected to wait their turn, no matter their potential.
Jesse appears to have held this view. David, the youngest, was not called in when Samuel came to anoint a king. He was left in the field with the sheep—completely overlooked (1 Samuel 16). This wasn’t necessarily personal hatred, but a rigid mindset: “The youngest cannot lead until the eldest have had their chance.”
This philosophy is echoed in Genesis 29:26, when Laban says to Jacob: “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one.”
In contrast, Jacob, the father of Joseph, loved and protected his youngest sons, Joseph and Benjamin. He didn’t withhold honour from them simply because they were young.
David’s experience was likely a painful combination of a father who believed in “elders first” and a divine calling that made him stand out too soon. These two forces created the alienation he felt from his own family.
So, if you’re going through rejection or being overlooked, don’t despair. Like David, you may be in your wilderness, but your time is coming. Stay faithful, guard your heart from bitterness, and trust God’s process.
